Yes, my friends, I'm new at this. I'm not even sure if someone will be interested in reading what this española wants to write. I often have thoughts I would like to share and maybe this is the place where I can do this. I have to learn how to put pictures on it. I will try. If you have suggestions on how I can improve or do new things I can post just let me know.
And just for the purpose of starting a conversation I have a question that has been on my mind for a long time. Do you suppose to be true to yourself or to your spouse? And I will explain. If you disagree with your spouse about something important in life, do you follow your own fellings, ideas, believes, or you support your spouse not matter what, even if this means you are loosing part of who you are? Don't you suppose to be one?
I will love to hear your opponions.
10 comments:
I think "being one" means that a couple has the same ultimate goal (eternal life or a stable family life or whatever a couple believes is most important). It seems that some couples that have serious problems don't have the same goal anymore, or at least they don't agree on how to achieve the same goal.
Having similar values and standards is important, but that doesn't mean two people will agree on everything.
If I don't agree with my spouse I express my opinion. I think it would be pretty boring to agree on absolutely everything - there wouldn't be any interesting conversations that challenged me to come up with new ideas.
Perhaps it has to do with how we are raised. My home was a place where people expressed their opinions. My parents disagreed about things, but I knew they loved and respected each other.
There are different ways to disagree with someone. Relationships require sacrifice and sometimes we have to sacrifice pride, anger, justification, and selfishness to listen and respect someone else's opinion that we may not agree with.
I also believe there's only so much of ourselves that we can lose when trying to please someone else. If we aren't true to what we believe in our hearts it can lead to feelings of diminished self-worth.
I have more thoughts swimming around in my head from your question. Many of them come from a book called, The Silent Self.
good question. But I don't understand how anyone can not have their own opinions? How can you just accept your spouse's opinion as your own if yours actually differs? I never understood that.
We were playing a game a long time ago with different members of our family. It opened up my eyes to how decisions are made within couples.
Between one of the couples, one always was unsure and so never said an input. They lost often.
In another, they disagreed but the one consented to go with the spouse's answer every time because that is the pattern between them (even though I knew her answer was right). They lost that turn.
The couple that won actually discussed their thoughts every single time and made the final decision together having disagreed many times originally.
I don't know what is right but I think working as a team is important and that not one own's opinion trumps the other every time.
Katy, Nancy, thanks for your comments. I need to add something else. I agree that important decissions need to be made by both partners. Just for the pupose of explaining myself a little bit better I will tell you an example that it is not true. I love to dance. I want to take dance classes but my husband doesn't want to be my partner. He doesn't want me to go by myself and have an extranger for a dance partner. Do I respect him and give up or do I stay true to myself and fallow my dream? Now I have a real example.Years ago I wanted to write to the Church Offices a letter about something that had happened to me and that was bothering me. D told me not to do it. I did not write that letter and I'm still regreting it. I felt presure not to be myself and I didn't like it. Any thoughts?
Here is a comment from an old fashioned point of view -- you know me..
Anyway, I think you need to keep your individuality but there are times when you need to consider the consequences. In relationship to taking dance lessons with another partner than your husband, I believe, is one of those times.
We are told to avoid even the appearance of evil and while I don't think that in itself is "evil" I think it would be offensive to some who trust you and who you have great influence with.
Would you feel comfortable with another partner on a regular basis? When you are through with the dance lessons, when and where are you going to dance and with whom? While you are doing it where is your husband and your family going to be? Is it going to create a unity in your family or would it be something that would cause a hurtful conflict? How would Doug feel if you were spending time with someone else -- angry? sorry? jealous? Maybe yes, maybe no. But I am wondering if it would be worth it.
I have to chuckle for the "apple doesn't fall far from the tree". Often I had told Dad I would like us to take dance lessons but it just isn't his thing so Doug comes by it quite naturally. Frankly, over the55 years of marriage it hasn't made that much difference that we don't dance! But knowing Dad I feel it would have made a difference if I had done it by myself!
That's it -- you did ask for opinions and sometimes I can be very opinionated!
Grandma I love hearing your opinions...keep them coming
As I said, THIS EXAMPLE WAS NOT REAL. IT HAS NOT HAPPENED. It was only for the purpose of explaining my question. Just to give a little bit more insite on this subject, in my culture dancing with someone who is not your spouse is normal at parties, it is not seen as offensive or anything like that. I don't mind if my husband dances with another woman just for the fun of it. I think this point of view is rooted in the hearts of the members of the church. It was something that surprised me from the beginning and it bothers me immensely when I am not able to enjoy something that I like to do so much. You have no idea how I feel when the music is on and I have to stay sitting on my chair. Maybe you don't know what I'm talking about, but to me it's torture.
But realy this was not the question I had. Read my post.
Thans for the comments
ok, this is a diversion from the current discussion - but I just wanted to thank you for the sweet comment you left on my blog! :) I am so lucky to have you as an aunt! Your words are a strength to me and I appreciate you taking the time to make such kind remarks!
i think doug needs to get off his butt and take some dancing lessons with you.
I wrote a letter to Church headquarters once. Years ago when we were living in California and I was in the Stake primary I saw a lot of challenges with having such a diverse age group in nursery (18 months to 3 years is a vast difference, especially when kids are turning 4 in Jan. Feb. & March). I got a very nice letter back from the primary general presidency explaining why the program is the way it is. (I didn't even think to ask Carl what he thought about my letter.....hmm, I guess you're more considerate than I am!)
Can you imagine all the mail Church leaders get? Nevertheless, if your concerns are important to you then you have every right to say something. This is a Church of common consent - I don't see the Priesthood as a sort of dictatorship, even when a few men here and there seem to treat it that way (Joseph Smith had something to say about that). And, I'm not referring to Doug here!
Sometimes just writing out our feelings helps - whether we send it or not.
Carry on.
Thank you everybody for taking the time to write on my blog and give me your opinions. I guess sometimes I feel like a balloon ready to explode but then I think about it and I remind myself of my priorities and why I do the things I do. I know that the most important things in my live are my relationship with God, my husband and my children and will never do anything to jeopardise any of them.
I keep Jesus Christ and his gospel as my lighthouse to show me the way. My life without any of them would be meaningless.
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